There is a long story behind my name..
First my parents were supposed to name me Aniruddha.. but later my Dad decided that its too common a name and its too Marathi.
So he came up with Abhilesh, not even Abhilash which is otherwise derived from Abhilasha (desire).
So, its a derived name from Abhilasha, and it actually means nothing.. absolutely 'Nothing'.
During my high school I had appeared for NTSE and had cleared two written phases, one state level and one national level and was called for an interview - the last stage before you get the scholarship. I performed very badly in that.. The last question they asked me was 'What's the meaning of my name?' and I kept mum. I seriously didn't know the meaning. Needless to say, I didn't get the scholarship but that triggered a search for the meaning of my name.
After that, initially I used to say Abhilesh is the name and I am the meaning.. (to sound intelligent :)
but I still hadn't discovered the meaning, because then I had to discover myself first to know the meaning. as Abhilesh is just a name, but I am the meaning. But who am I? That put me on a path to search for my identity, my being.
I realised by and by, that I can take any shape and be anything I like.. but most of all I discovered that people are very comfortable when they are with me for some reason.. either because I don't judge them or I just listen to them without adding my interpretations or my understanding to what they say.. Its like talking to a mirror. And when you really open your heart out in front of a mirror you can see things as they are, which you normally ignore because you are too busy living. So people confide and open up their deepest emotions without any hesitation [but obviously after a while. You wouldn't confide to a complete stranger. But I am still working on that and I see a possibility that people just might.]. And they see the chaos within themselves. And I've seen this happening quite often than not.
So looking at all this I gave Abhilesh a new meaning.. 'A mirror to the chaos within you' (Another version to sound intelligent)
But later I realised, I don't always behave in a certain way. I am not always a mirror. Sometimes I react, sometimes I act, sometimes I don't even know what I am doing. And it depends, perhaps, upon the person or people I am with or just on my mood. Sometimes it represents the essence of people around me, sometimes its the conflict between them, other times it represents the missing parts, some other times it's just calm serene background and I am not present.. but I am as much there.
So I say the meaning is 'A space where you can be'.. sounds very corny, right?
but the search is still on. Now I am inclined towards the original meaning 'Nothing'.
